The Holiday Blues

 This time of year has always been hard for me.  For many years in a row around Thanksgiving and Christmas I had lost my job thus making the holidays a time of fear, panic, depression, and stress.  For the past 6 years I have had a steady job and it seemed like things were getting more stable and that has allowed me to not have those fears and stresses.  3 years ago I met my wife in June and she is a huge fan of Christmas.  So much so if she could keep her decorations up all year she would.  Unfortunately on Christmas Eve that year her Grandmother passed away.  That did nothing to dim her love of the holiday and I admire that.  The past 2 years Christmas has been good.  This year I decided to jump in and try to really enjoy the holiday.  I helped put up the decorations, bought gifts for people and have generally been ok with watching all of the Hallmark movies that run 24/7.  Last Fri I found out my Gma was rushed to the hospital with a blocked vessel in her heart.  My heart immediately dropped.  She is my last surviving grandparent and I know it will be a huge blow when she passes.  The managed to clear the blockage and put in a stint but yesterday she was once again taken from the rehab center and admitted to the hospital with stress related heart problems.  I will admit this right now, if she passes before Christmas I will be devastated.  Once again the holiday curse will have driven me into a massive depressive state and I am not sure I could pull myself out.  But I am going to try and focus on the good things and pray she will be alright.  

I am not sure anyone reading this has any advice or input but I could really use some uplifting comments and positivity right now.